shes back..!!!!

holy crap! Toast has come alive again! ok so im posting again. i dont acctuly have an excuse to why i hvnt been posting, so im not gonna make one up. Xb

anywho, so me and my Guy, we got in this fight thing, kinda. then we made up and out, and then not so much. so i havnt talked to him in like a week or something, but i kinda dont really want to. i mean i think im like lagit over him. THANK GOD! its about freakin time!

so i know that i mostly started this to post stories and shit, and i havnt been doing that on here very offten. but i have been writeing, dont get me wrong! i have been posting it on ma facebook, but for the sake of privacy, and that crap im not gonna give a link for crepers to follow!! (haha creepers!) anywho ill propally try to post some of those on here. oh and plus they are short! i now right!

but, im gonna sound like a slut and stuff, but im smittin with another guy....FAIL on my part! i ner! but anoways, so hes realy nice. and i have known him since like gr4 and hes kool, and hip, and firends with alot of people that im friends with. and just plan awesome!!! like i guess hes the reason im over my "dream" boy. like this guy (for sake of not getting you confuses lets call him number two) is not as smart as guy one, and not artistic like guy one, and not "cool" or "hot" as guy one. but he is respectful, and considerit, and just plane a good guy. i mean i could gladly take him home to meet my mother, which guy one has done a lived...thank god, although he hasnt talked to me since...well i cant blame him for that i guess...
anywho, i really like this guy. and really tho, we did date. but like for sixteen hours, thats right i counted!

but on the other hand there is guy three, see i told u i sound like a slut! so this guy i have known like for only a year. but he and i have become really close, in fact we are both quit smitten with each other. but he lives like really far away. and nether of us can really drive. but hes weird...
hes told me that he likes me, and i have told him ont liek two occations that i like him, but it still seems weird. like how people act when they really dont liek a person, but they just hummor a person anyway. i get that vibe every so offten. its just pissen me off. so i dont really know what im gonna do. but ill figure something out...

loooong time

so hey. i guess i haven't really been all that faithful to my blog hu? sorry blog! and i guess you readers haven't been to happy reading the same crap over and over. but i will try to get on that.

so the dumb resource people at my school lied to me. i have a laptop from them to do school work, and it is so awesome. i have two really useful programs on there. one reads stuff to me, as well as other stuff but its so he-uge that i will probably never really know the full extent of the program, the other is so sweet. i have this kinda stupid head set that makes me look like a gay ganster telemarketer. its for Dragon, which is so kool cause i say stuff and it types! ok so now to the storie. so the stupid laptop got a virus or something...not my fault! and so the resource people said that the IT guy at our school would fix it. so three weeks go by, and it isn't fixed. so i go in there to day and ask about it and the teacher comes back with "well its really not his job to be doing this stuff. but when he is finish what ever hes doing now, we'll ask him to get on it" God i hate her.

but nothing else to really talk about, oh wait. whats this i have in my topic hat! oh, a boy asked me out on a date, and it went amazing ly awesome, and he has asked me on another one? oh yes my people, that's right, Toast is dateing! your probable not as excited as i am, but so what? hes cute and funny and he is alot like me! hes going to college for art soon, and he is kinda scene. he is sooo nice! but we haven't kissed. im only a little sad about that. but only a little. see, after that guy i was talking about, you know bathroom boy, well he really kinda messed me up. so im gonna go real slow in this.no jumping bases!

so i didnt realize it at the time, but i have been bloging for a full year! thats intense, i uess i have changed alot, my material has definatly taken a more mature turn i hope, and my random bitching has acctuly not been just venting about anything...i think it has anyway....

so i have fallen in love with a boy. and im so pissed at him. he says he likes me, but tottaly ignored me. like fuck you! what the hell did i do that was so terrible that i need to be treated like this, but i always fall for the wrong guys. always! im just a loser with bad taste in men....oh well maybe ill find a good one someday...

so i pretty much feel like killing my self. i hate my self so bad right now. last night i was at this guys party, it wasnt like a big party...well not like you see in the movies with like hundreds of people, it was like five people, me and five boys. so i kinda started to flirt with one of them (they are all friends) and he flirted back, so i was like playing footsie with him. and then i was holding hands with another guy, but all this was going on at the same time! im such a slut! omg and now there is this drama...i just wanna slit my wrists...XP

just some stuff...

please. please...if not that, then...could you at least say me name. not in a sexy, or suductive way or anything, but just say it like yo really loved me, like, pretend that im some one you really care about, and just...say my name....or what? I'll die. but not all clean and simple, oh no. i'll bleed and my parts will be every where, and you wont even bother to cleen it up, so youll never get the smell out.

fine then! just fuck me then hu? fine, i think i can handel you! but can you handel me? can you handel when they come back and the meds stop working? will you tell me everything is ok, that im not crazy, and i need to take my meds to make everyone else happly as usual? will you hold me close when i fall and cut my knee? will you make me stop to smell the roses, and stop me from eating them?
you know what fuck you and your attitude! fuck you nd everything you stand for! fuck you and those damn friends you would rather be with because im just a candy hoe, right? just talk to me every so offten, tell me you love me just to shut me up. well then fuck me! fuck me hard, make me cry for God to save me. make me yours, then...just throw me away...just like always....my hero....my savior.....my unreachable goal...

hope you sleep well
i hope all your dreams come true, i hope that all of everything u ever wanted comes to you
and all the bad stuff people like me have wihed apon you never happenes
because then you wouldnt be a shineing prince
above the rest of us
and the girls like me
the ones who have never really had some one who shined them up
and made them feel pretty
even if they look like shit
i hope that your happy little prince, i really do
now dont take this to heart
dont get all sad
just remember all those you step on to get where you are...