to act or not to act, that is the question......

man i am freakin over school. i don't really know where i want to go or what i want to do. i mean i could do forensics, but i could also do acting. i have no idea.

i keep having this dream, im in college, and i wake up in my new dorm room, or apartment, or what ever. and the guy i like is there. and we go about our usual thing, and I'm in class, and im called to go into the hall. so i do, and some dude in a suit tells me that he died. he was walking to the store and was hit by a transport. and i have no idea what to make of it? i don't know if i wish he would die, or if im wanting to get closer to him because i know i only have a little bit of time left before he leaves. i really like him. but i don't think he likes me like that. i think im just a momentary muse to get his mind off everything else. or maybe im just thinking too much. i don't know. my friend Kate told me that if i start to feel way bad about this i should just stop. but hes so amazing. i mean hes smart, he's an amazing artist, hes so kind and sincere, and to top it all off hes so hot. i just really wish that he could see me in the same light i see him in. i feel really bad about thinking he doesn't care, but im really shy around him, and i feel so little and immature. hes so much more evolved than i am. but then again i am just a litttle girl who hasnt even had a sip of alcohol. but in my defense (of myself...?) i have dose weed a few times, and thats not that bad...right?

iight, so today was so totally suck ass! ok, well me and that guy i like made out....in the girls room...ya so this girl was creepily watching me, and i had just said that it was kool to come out, i was so wrong. so i waved, before he came out, i thought she would just see me waving then look away, she didn't, so i pointed in the other direction, too late. she saw me and him leaving together. and then had the nerve, and kinda of the stupidity, to ask, so she goes, "hey what were you doing in the bathroom Toast?" firstly i wanted so bad to be rude, and i was stupid and said "what are you talking about?" when i should have said "what do you think dumb ass, going to the washroom..." but i did say "weird-o" as i walked by, so i feel somewhat proud of myself. but i didn't see my prince today, so i felt kinda lonely. :(
but because of that Damn girl i got a good idea and wrote a good short story. i think its pretty good. i also have started to wright verses, not like to a song, but just little rhymes. i don't know if im gonna write that story on here. i might write an after story too. like the part i wrote is the beginning then theres this big ass story behind it. but i think that s all for now.
Oh i have lately fallin in love with Robert Pattinson's singing. hes got this tone in his voice, that is almost annoying, but i love it! it just has so much soul! but what ever. i also like The Wind Blows by the All American Rejects. the lead singer looks like the bff of the guy i like. he's really good looking too. anyway...ya i know thats all...

Certain people you just can't trust, you know Luke?
Never trust anyone who doesn't smoke pot or listen to Dylan.
Never trust anyone who doesn't like the beach.
Never, EVER, EVER trust anyone who says they don't like dogs!
You meet someone who doesn't like dogs you alert the authorities IMMEDIATELY
you sure as SHIT don't MARRY THEM!
(The Wackness, Dr.Squires)

ok so i don't really know if i was talkin bout this before, but i am now. mostly cuz it was epic!!! ok so i really like this guy, hes three years older, and i just found out that he is only staying at school for one semester, but hes gonna work, hopefully he will still be in town! anyway, so i hung out with him at lunch, and he was so hot. the koolness started when i noticed he had obber kool teeth. he had VAMPIRE TEETH!!! like how freakin kool is that shit?! and then he asked if i wanted him to BITE me, i said yes of course. omg i was orgasming! he put his hand on one side of my neck, then pulled me close, and he bit me, but it was sweet, and gentle at the same time, i mean it hurts now, but its good cuz i keep thinking of him. so after he bit me (and two other girls, but he only asked me...*smiles*) the two other girls asked him to take off his pants (joke from yesterday) and so they struggled while he sat there not helping (tee hee) and so they kinda gave up, and i suggested that we go out back. he agreed. so we went back, and the girls (my friend and a buds gf, i know rite!!!) so they obsessed about that, then we just kinda sat and talked.

the time of the lunch break soon expired (omg awesome diction rite!!!) and so we started to talk of skipping, if He was. so he came back(he was getting money from someone for something...?) anyway so he came back and said taht he was going to class. so i was like ok. but the other girls are like "Nooo let us rape you!!" and hes liek no i want to go to class. anyway so he and i convinced the girls to let him go to class by me putting on a cute-sy face. and asking him to escort me to class. *blushes*
so as we walked to class i said he was cool..for something i cant remember what it was. and he was like, "Nah your cool" and put his arm around my shoulder!!! and i just giggled. (slaps myself in the head, i just realized how gay that was!!!) and i was like ya well your cool cause you bite me! and he said that he would bite me EVERYDAY if i wanted. i didnt want to seem creepy and go "YES OMG YES!!!" so i cooly said i'll think about it. so later i wrote a note(when i came back from cloud nine!!) and i said i would very much enjoy him biteing me (weird i know, but i really like him, and it feels soooo kool!!!) and that i appogyse for my friend and that other chick for being weird. i gave him the letter and he walked away. i felt nervous and have ever since i gave it to him, and the thought of hanging out tiwht him again. now when he bite me he didnt break the skin, but it left a mark, it looks kinda kool!

me and my boring life...

so at in grade nine my mom was totally shocked by the fact that i could do anything well in school. the fact that i was doing really well in english, math , and drama was unheard of to her. my english teacher had to tell her to stop saying "oh my god really?!" it really hurt. but i never told her. i never tell her anything. you see if i did she would get mad at me so hence i don't talk to her. but she gets really mad that i don't talk to her, so when im mad i yell at her and she has no idea why. so your thinking, "you and your mom should go see someone. well we are. and i have to lie there too. if Mark asks me something my mom will jump in in the middle. she doesn't get that im trying to tell my side. she always makes it about her, and when i do tell her about my problems, she doesn't understand or lets me go for a second (no more or i may start talking about what a bad parent she is) then starts to relate my problem to a completely unrelated topic at her work, of which i really couldn't care less. i mean who makes there kid listen to random crap about work? like its so mean...but omg she is so dumb. and totally uncaring.

i am sixteen and i have only had one drink (like alcohol) in my life. and it was just a sip of my aunt wine. i have never been to a real party. my life is so boring, and so...secure even a priest would tell me to lighten up on the church crap. like i do go, and i don't mind that, its just i don't want to have to go to every meeting that the frigging youth group has. and my mom thinks that if i were to go to a party i would get really drunk had have sex and get pregnant. like piss off! i can take care of my self. you have been drilling the crap about sex offenders and stuff all my life, I KNOW! i just want to be a teenager. and its so not fair. that i have to be so...alone. all my friends are allowed to go out and stuff, but my mom is like, "no i cant shelter you from fun if you are out of the nest!" i swear, if i was a plat my mom would be like "oh no don't grow roots, it means your growing up!" well guess what, I AM and there is nothing you can do about it! so just leave me alone mom, i don't need you anymore, i have people in my life that are better equipped for your job, and i intend to use them.

hello my few random readers

hello i am back. sorry about being gone for so long but i really had nothing to write about. totally boring summer. i have very little to say. just that i no longer am going to talk about boys, yes i heard that cheer. shut up. T.T

omg so this summer i have fallen in total love with none other than, Nutella! i love that random crap!

oo i also have a Gecko now. she is so cute.

so ya i have nothing to say.
oh no! what if i cant write blogs anymore. maybe i justneed some drama. well i hope to make some soon. ill try to up date at least once a week. loves you ppl that really read this, unles your a jerk, then you can shove ur oppinion up yers!!!

MMVA's

ok so when i first saw Tylor Laughtner i almost like peed my pants, and screamed! he is so hot! i would love to meet him someday! he looks so kool and really nice, i hope hes not a deva.
ooo and Marianas Trench, so funny! another bunch o guys i would love to meet! they are so kick ass! anyway. ya so i must say that mmva's do a ship-shape job. plus the freakin Jonas Bro's! omg, they did a really good job this year. how will they top it next year?
speakin of JB, their show i really good, ive seen it, it is pretty clever. but if they did some thing unpredictable, like that one with that one chick, and Nick, awesome.
o, another ting girlicious, all i can say is eww. get some clothes on you grows sluts! like gawd! is it too much to ask to put some proper frikin pants and shirts on, i dont really want to see the effects of crabs and herpes thank you very much! *shiver*
ooo i just saw a commercial for a person to win a chance to...do something that has to do with the new Harry Potter. omg i have a feeling that its gonna get a little confusing for me, cuz they split it up into like three parts, and there is only two books...Hmmm
k so out of the like three ppl that read this have yall heard the new song from JB? Paranoid. i love the Vid, i like the song too. but on the new album there is a song with .... *swallowed back puke* Miley Cyrus. eww, i really have a large dislike for her. but whatever. no wait, im venting about this, like what a bitch! i hate her, u know that bull she came out with, about Nick J? it was all BUll S. Nick, really, nick is the sweetest guy, i mean look at his puppy dog eyes! how can they do any wrong? and all that shit with her in a shower with a wet white tee, creepy! i just have this he-uge...hate for her, if i ever meet her i might spit in her face, like right in her eye, or up her nose, just something shocking and uncomfortable. rrrrrrrrgggg.
ooo simple plan, good band.
omg some dude just picked up Tim Deegan...akward....i love him though, they are so mean to him. poor guy!:(
i really want Taylor to come on again, and take off his shirt. omg hot body boy! so i also saw Princess protection program, the one that comes out like six days from now...ya that right i saw it b4 it came out. beat that! not that any of you wanted to see it. i didnt even want to see it. but there is also a hot guy in that one. Nicholas Braun, he was Zeke.
OMG LADY GAGA! she is really kool! but she too shows too much Va-j-j! love her heels! well boots. omg she did TWO performances one after the other! me and my sis both agree that she toaly looks high, lol! i would laugh my ass of if she was. wow that slow down was really kool! omg Love the girls grabbing her boobies, and the Madonna inspired ...flair thing...
omg Taylor! he is so kute! oh look at me, i so love him! anyway, so he said something about us girlz that love him, but which ones, other than totally gay girlz, dont love him? anyway so he said that we are gonna get our hearts broken, then the VJ asked bout the movie, and he said to wait till November, ya ill say, i got my heart broken then! lolk anyway I'd better get going, seeing as though its late, and THE KARATE KID is on.

feelin sad lately...

so im not really this sad, i've bin down, but im, like, ok. oo so theres this show called a shot at love with Tela teqela, so i thought that they only did it with her, but they did one for a pair of bi twins. its quite intersting. and they are soooo pretty! anyway so i was listening to avril, when your gone, and i just felt like writing this. see theres this guy i like, i asked him to add me on facebook. but i guess i didnt make a good enough first empression on him cuz he hasnt. and its bim like almost a moonth..no more! uhg, nark! anyway, so he was really hot, and lately i have bin thinkin of a good story line for it. i know i know! i should finish the at fifteen one first, i know! but i get bord wit that, and im not makin the movie anymore. no body is really interested, and im so not prepared. i may do it someday, but not now. wutever. to the letter thing. so like i said not really feelin this way. i will leave you with a funny picture.


Hey
I miss you so much. I wish you could come back. I wish I had said sorry. I wish I could have said goodbye. I'm sorry. I want to be with you so much. I miss you beautiful smile, and your awesome big hugs. I miss the way you loved all your friends, but it was ho before bros. I thought it was funny. But your bros thought it was annoying. I miss your hellos in the morning too. Well every thing you said really. You left some of your clothes. They still smell like you. It reminds me of the things we did. I wish you were still here. Or at least I could call you. I'd give anything just to hear your voice again. Anything to feel your hug, anything to just hear your laugh, or say my name. I hope your happy in heaven now. I hope that you are ok with my decision. I hope to see you soon. I took some pills a few minutes ago. I can feel them starting to work. I will see you soon lover. I love you always.