so i didnt realize it at the time, but i have been bloging for a full year! thats intense, i uess i have changed alot, my material has definatly taken a more mature turn i hope, and my random bitching has acctuly not been just venting about anything...i think it has anyway....

so i have fallen in love with a boy. and im so pissed at him. he says he likes me, but tottaly ignored me. like fuck you! what the hell did i do that was so terrible that i need to be treated like this, but i always fall for the wrong guys. always! im just a loser with bad taste in men....oh well maybe ill find a good one someday...

so i pretty much feel like killing my self. i hate my self so bad right now. last night i was at this guys party, it wasnt like a big party...well not like you see in the movies with like hundreds of people, it was like five people, me and five boys. so i kinda started to flirt with one of them (they are all friends) and he flirted back, so i was like playing footsie with him. and then i was holding hands with another guy, but all this was going on at the same time! im such a slut! omg and now there is this drama...i just wanna slit my wrists...XP

just some stuff...

please. please...if not that, then...could you at least say me name. not in a sexy, or suductive way or anything, but just say it like yo really loved me, like, pretend that im some one you really care about, and just...say my name....or what? I'll die. but not all clean and simple, oh no. i'll bleed and my parts will be every where, and you wont even bother to cleen it up, so youll never get the smell out.

fine then! just fuck me then hu? fine, i think i can handel you! but can you handel me? can you handel when they come back and the meds stop working? will you tell me everything is ok, that im not crazy, and i need to take my meds to make everyone else happly as usual? will you hold me close when i fall and cut my knee? will you make me stop to smell the roses, and stop me from eating them?
you know what fuck you and your attitude! fuck you nd everything you stand for! fuck you and those damn friends you would rather be with because im just a candy hoe, right? just talk to me every so offten, tell me you love me just to shut me up. well then fuck me! fuck me hard, make me cry for God to save me. make me yours, then...just throw me away...just like always....my hero....my savior.....my unreachable goal...

hope you sleep well
i hope all your dreams come true, i hope that all of everything u ever wanted comes to you
and all the bad stuff people like me have wihed apon you never happenes
because then you wouldnt be a shineing prince
above the rest of us
and the girls like me
the ones who have never really had some one who shined them up
and made them feel pretty
even if they look like shit
i hope that your happy little prince, i really do
now dont take this to heart
dont get all sad
just remember all those you step on to get where you are...