Those Wasted Days

Every now and again I think about you. Wonder if it ever got easier. Wonder if the negativity paid off. Wonder if anyone ever cared as much as I did. As I still do. I remember the good times and bad. I remember the time we stayed out all night, and how we didn't sleep. I remember all the times we talked all day and wasted time just being us.  I remember all the things I wanted to tell you. I remember the time we had popsicles on that corner. I miss the way we used to fit together like puzzle pieces. Maybe I just thought we did. Maybe it was just all in my head. Maybe I wasted tears and feelings. Maybe you felt the same and were afraid I would reject you like all the others before. I used to think that I would always hate you and never want to hear from or about you, but as time passes the bad and hurt passes and only the good and nice remains. Do you ever remember or wonder? 

Goodbye

Somedays I wonder what I did without you. How I got through my day without thinking about you, talking to you. I can't even go one day without talking about you. I feel like I wait in the lull of conversation to say something about you. I've decided though that this is it. You can't have me anymore. This is my heart letting you go. And I hope, nay, I pray you are happy with who ever you chose. I wish you love and warmth and all the happiness in the world with her. I know that this is going to hurt. Hurt a lot. But, I know this has to be done. This is a step to self improvement. I can't be hung up on a guy who feels differently than I do. I know you still love me and still care, I think that maybe what's so painful about letting you go. There will always be room in my heart, maybe a smaller place than before, possibly even berried alittle for my well being and sanity, but will always and forever be there just for you. 

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Someone Else

Coming down from it felt so wrong. Like being stuck on the wrong end of a jump cable. He came in and talked to me, made feeling surface, made butterfly's trapped inside. There was nothing wrong until everything was wrong. It all came crashing down like the shelf you didn't install correctly. All of a sudden everything was different. And I was scared of you. But it will pass. This feeling of self loathing and unhappiness. I'll maybe someday find that person who's just a broken and lost as I am. Or maybe I'll fix and find my way. 

Tiny Little Hidey Hole

Would you hide me away in the movement and breathing. Hide me in a hole and never let me see the harmful sun. Keep me in a tiny space to keep the darkness out. Light it up. Make no more room. Keep it calm and cool. Hide the sharp and hard. Keep me safe and warm. Let the nights lights guid us through the streets. Children of the stars waiting to be set back, like a ring missing the jewel. Tiny dancers flinging across the streets, painting the black and bleak with colour and loveliness. Take me deep in that hidey hole. Never let me out.

Cute Little Slut

But what if they were just who they needed to be, and when I came in I changed them an they lost that sorta part that knows how to deal on their own. And what if when I change I don't know I take it with me. Or realize how much I do take with me. But what if it's the other way around? And in that miss and down and hard there's someone else in their life. And slow, oh so slowly the life slides inward and grows around the insides of this now sick sick body. What if the infection of an infectious mind end is insanity in a crazy place? What if when those who sleep on ceiling fans and roof tops end where they start. What if these dreams that are meant to be secrets come out and up and crash. End us with a down and out life left. What if we stay. Stay the nice girls and boys and never change, sit under a rock and hold our beloved toys close. Never grow. Never go...

Sanatorium for the sane...

Like I honestly don't understand what drives a person to treat other in such a horrible and completely inappropriate ways. I have done no wrong. My rooms messy, it's my room. I don't clean your dishes, I don't eat at home, ever, because of you. I don't clean up your dogs piss and shit off the floor, not my dogs. You live in my house too. It's not yours. You are no better than me in anyway. You have nothing on me, or to hold over me. Nothing to do with all your bitch. But guess what, I'm not fucking going anywhere! Go ahead haters, hate away, but know that it's the thought of you, and how much better off I am that makes my smile bigger. Peace out bitches, I'm to happy to be brought down by your fucking stupid. Done!

Certain Locations

It never matters what I do or say because I'm always wrong and have to pay dearly and forever. I'm judged by people lesser than I, and reprimanded by a system so jacked its brakes are on backwards, so every time their used the whole show goes up in flames...
I can't do this any more. I am on the verge of murder in all degrees. But no one cares. And I don't know what scares me more, the fact that I can potentially get away with it, or that I really fucking want to in the first place...

Bones

Hold my tears in your palm...love them into diamonds

Sometimes I miss you so much I think I see you everywhere. maybe it's just a deep want thats so deep it seeps out my eyes. Maybe I'm just crazy...or maybe I'm in like with you too much. if there is such a thing. I want to say that I love you. That your my one for life or whatever. But I'm so young. So much to think about and do still...I just feel this spot in my heart that's warmed by your presents, and cold when ur gone...is that love? 

It's an up and down

I can't grip the good moments tight enough, I can't hold you here, and quiet your thought long enough. It's like the outside word fucking seeps in and taints your thought with things I want to know, but you'll never tell...
I wish you trusted me. I wish you hadn't have left cause if you hadn't I would be yours right now. And I would have kept you safe, and straight, and healthy. Because when you care about someone you want to help them. I don't think of u as helpless. I think of you as Hott Wheelz. Your just you, it doesn't define you to me. Damon is a lot of things, demon, dealer, and to me; friend.

Abigail...</3

User. Abuser. Loser. All those men were right as I crawle from the dumpster. "uhck! Crack a window she smells, but not of English blood. Nay, she smells loke a mule, and feels like a body dragged from the mud!" they called after. It wasn't cruel no, said the people of the small town. You see she did it for a show, she was simply a whoreish clown! What they didn't see, and didn't know: this girl was genius see! And she would give them a show! she sliced the throat of the mayor the first night, his wife the next! She continued for three months filling every woman man and child with fright! She continued on for two more months, the town quarantined as though set upon with a hex! She killed every last one of them. With not one speck of blood on her, from her hear to dress hem.

I Don't Know...?

I can't figure you out. Your here then there, then nowhere, then everywhere, then here again...and it's great. I feel important, thought about, remembered. Then your gone. And I feel hurt, and alone, and the closer I get to you it rips alittle more off. Off of what? I'm still not really sure. Me, my heart, my soul? I don't know. I don't know much. I'm pretty dumb, but I do know this: your awesome, I miss the shit out of you, and you should let me find you...just once...

@SamuelLarsen

I just kinda wanted to let you know...ur an inspiration. I know, I know; stupid girl who just want attention. But, this time, not so much. When I first saw you on the glee project, I thought "this hollagin, he's not gonna go far. But, you did! You believed in your self, and worked hard, and you did it! And you know what? I did something I never thought I could ever do! All thanks to you I have a future and a life! Thanks;)

All Singing, All Dancing Crap Of The World

My head is so full of broken promises, unfollowed follow ups, fucked up relationships, unfriendly "friends" who talk, and bitch and yell and freak at every little bump in the road. I work to impress. I put strong walls, and thick makeup masks. I stretch the truth. I lie a lot. I try, not as hard as I could. I smoke so much. Sometimes I burp up smoke and don't remember when it was from. I bake so hard so long I am sometimes still high the next morning! I sleep all the time. I veg. I can't wait till I get my new place tho! I can have my boy friend over and have sex without the room mates hearing! And vise versa on there behalf...I feel like I fail all the time. And that makes me feel really sad. So I say and feel really fucked up things. Sometimes I can't believe the things that pass between my ears. The curule assholiean fucking puss-y vomit of the underbelly of the forgotten children's minds. I fuck mothers for a break, I kick puppy's and piss on baby's. I fucking hate myself sometimes..then others I think I'm kinda ok. Most people think I really like myself. I mean. I like myself a lot more than I did a few years ago. I dunknow. Maybe I'm just having a mental melt down. Maybe I'm just fucked. Maybe I'm this dimensions Tyler Durden. But then again, the first rule is not to talk about it...

Comment

Jesse rites the nices poetry. It's smooth, and real, and joker. It makes sense to me. It's like the image of a god took some wire and strung our brains together. All the nights of watching endless batman. Reading comics. Talking about the joker. Skipping, butter fly finger dance, face paint, nude girl magazine, British chicks. You and I got something that people just exaggerate on how alike our brains are. It's like. Like. Everything. An. And it doesn't even matter that your so far, cuz, cuz your still you, and that's what matters! All that matters is that your awesome and I want you to be you for ever! I want you to work really hard at it though! I want you to wright like crazy! Work really really hard! Make a bunch of money and just do it! Be! Live! Open! Explode! Become the serge, become the beat! Move within, without, back. Forth. Plow. Let nothing get in the way my dearest! You make me smile so often! It's ridiculous! But. You also make me kinda sad sometimes. You get so down on your self. You don't see how truly fucking awesome you are to hang out with! I love to just chill and watch a tv show or a movie. I just want you to know that someone really loves you Jesse. Your my fave! Ily<3

Someone who did the best she could with the talent she had. - J.K Rowlling

Totally saw the future u today. Lately u have had a good handle on the future. I have no idea why though. Maybe my stars are aligned...
I'm sorry I've been flaky lately. I don't mean to be. I really miss hanging out all the time. I miss talking bout stuff, watching awesome movies together. And I really miss making fun of john!
I hope you don't think that I'm making excuses, and ditching u on purpose. I just sorta lose focus, get stuck in ruts and and daily shit that I forget about things out side that.
But I keep you close to mind. Remind myself that I need to get out of my head and look around. And then I see you!
Kay, I'm getting weird. I'll stop now. Just wanted to say I was thinking of you today. Love, peace, and prosper!

Drugs

She twirled around again. Flashing an actual smile. God, I said to myself, how is she so happy all the time? It was almost five, I could barely keep my eyes open.
"Come dance with me!" she called over the pulsing music. I shook my head. I didn't want to ruin your fun. And I didn't. You shrugged and sauntered back to the dance floor.
I ordered another drink. I was already drunk, but felt the buzz leaving. If I was going to do this I needed to be right sauced. I checked my watch. Five fifteen. Another ten minuets, then we go. I motioned to you. You were so reluctant, but agreed. I pulled you close as we walked down the avenue, laughing and holding hands.
People looked at us. I didn't care. I had you with me. That's all that ever mattered. That's all that ever mattered.

Broken up

You seem like u wanted to talk to me...but at the same time you didn't. Maybe it was the distance I put on my face. Maybe it was the fact that I feel sexy, and look the part. Maybe your scared of me. I fucking hope you are boy.

I have a huge urge to go sit in front of you. To be an even bigger bitch. You told me not to talk to you anymore and I'll stick to it . It wasn't my fault. I guess I'm not over this. And it's not so much the fact that I liked you. I am over that, I'm just not over how you ended our friendship.

And how we talked that night. You told me about what it's like to be dieing. What it's like to have most of your life over. I can't get over how sweet and tired your voice was. I bet you were on a lot of medication. But you powered through that to talk to me. Whatever.

I hope you stare. I hope you notice how short my skirt is, and that my pink bra is poking out a little. I hope you notice me. I hope you are hurt that we can't be friends anymore. I hope that you can hear how cool my music is, how the beat pumps up and down, in and out, back and forth. Fuck you.

Everlong Rapper

Everytime the door opens its like I have swallowed a new butterfly. I remember the softness of your skin, and the sweet taste of your lips. The warmness of your touch, and the deep forever in your eyes. You lust. And I lust.

But I can't anymore. I've grown up. I've learned to live with the fact that I can't have you anymore. I don't know how well this will go for you. I hope it goes well for me.

Please understand. There's always going to be a place for you in my heart. There will always be a deep connection between us. And I care for you deeply. I want to see you succeed, cause when you get there, I know your just going to explode! Your gonna have so much fun! And meet new people, and and, eventually forget about me. I hope you don't. I hope we will be friends.
I hope you don't forget me, forget us. How awesome we were together, and the fun times we had.

You have high expectations for today's hot tubbing adventure. I do too. But not exactly the same. I know that it's going to be a big disappointment for you. And I feel really bad about that. But you had your chance. I wanted for you. And it feels like forever ago...

Tommy Boi

I hate to see you anywhere. It just reminds me of how unfair you were. I just tried to be your friend. What did you do to make your girlfriend so suspicious? I know I didn't. So why did I have to be blamed for it.

My makeup looks really good today. It makes my eyes really pop, an you can really see the green in them. I hope you notice. I hope you see me and regret how you unfriended me so harshly, you told me to never talk to you again.

How did it feel to have the doctors take away your life plan. You and everyone though you were going to die really soon. How did it feel to have your life "given" back? Did it make you realize how the rest of us feel? That you only have a few years to get a good career, and to find a wife to make good kids. Does it scare you that you have so much time left. Such a contrast. Welcome to the real world. It fucking sucks doesn't it? Do you even remember me?

I'm not going to let you ruin the rest of my life. I have moved on. I cant let you ruin everything. Your nothing to me now. Not a friend. Not someone I want to love, not anything. And your going to stay that way. Because you won't take it back, and you can't take it back. Ever.