Do ya ever feel like your ripping into two different people? Like there's sober you. Who's always tired and weighed down by all the stuff you have to do, and the other a paranoid OCD head case. Sometimes I feel like that.
Omg! Fleeting Foxes! I really like this band! I havnt listened to them in like months! They are really good! Their indi! Soft rock meets melty goodness! They can make me feel happy even with a sad song! Weird eh!
I've been obsessed with 8tracks. It's awesome! Playlists that fit any mood I'm in! If I'm pissed off. They got it! Sad, chill, what ever!
I can't sleep. Fuck sleep! Sleep is for the weak. I'll sleep when I'm dead. At this rate that wont be too long now.
Sometimes I like to think I'm dying. Then I enjoy my food more. Or my day more. Or how nice the sun feels on my skin. Or how the cold air nips at my nose and cheek.
I love my lip ring! I can't wait until I can change the ring to one of my studs! I've hade them since September. I'm really looking forward to this!
I'm really tired now. I think sleep is finally agreeing with my brain. Fuck you world! See ya tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Curtis
I attacked. I couldn't help it. I just gave the hardest right hook of my life. He stumbled back, aviators flying. I gave the second hardest left. He fell in the cold slush. I jumped on him, sitting on his chest, pinning his arms.
"Why? Why do you hate me! You can't ignore me!"
"Who are you?" he almost whispered. God, no...
"Who the fuck are you?" he sat up a little. I crawled back in the wet snow towards a wall. "I don't know you."
"Don't!" I called horrified. "Don't do that." he got up and walked toward me very quickly. He grabbed my wrist.
"FUCK BITCH CUNT SLUT WHORE SKANK SHIT DIRY CAKE LICKER!" he screamed in my face.
I couldn't talk. My words lost. Forgotten maybe.
"Your a whore. Who can ever love you?" I knew he didn't lie.
"Why? Why do you hate me! You can't ignore me!"
"Who are you?" he almost whispered. God, no...
"Who the fuck are you?" he sat up a little. I crawled back in the wet snow towards a wall. "I don't know you."
"Don't!" I called horrified. "Don't do that." he got up and walked toward me very quickly. He grabbed my wrist.
"FUCK BITCH CUNT SLUT WHORE SKANK SHIT DIRY CAKE LICKER!" he screamed in my face.
I couldn't talk. My words lost. Forgotten maybe.
"Your a whore. Who can ever love you?" I knew he didn't lie.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Her's
Oneday;
Someone's going to say that you've got beautiful eyes. They're going to find your soul and stay there for hours because it's the most interesting place to them.
One day someone is going to trace patterns on your flesh with their eyes and memorize all your details. Your smile will be like the sun coming through the clouds to them.
Someday; someone is going to love you like you're the only person in a room they see. Someday someone is going to love you the way you need, that I am just not able to do.
I wish the world for you. If I could get you the moon and stars to put in your life I would.
Someone's going to say that you've got beautiful eyes. They're going to find your soul and stay there for hours because it's the most interesting place to them.
One day someone is going to trace patterns on your flesh with their eyes and memorize all your details. Your smile will be like the sun coming through the clouds to them.
Someday; someone is going to love you like you're the only person in a room they see. Someday someone is going to love you the way you need, that I am just not able to do.
I wish the world for you. If I could get you the moon and stars to put in your life I would.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Your Crying.
I don't know what to do. Or how to help. He dosent understand. I wish I knew what to do. I'm sorry!
I know u miss her. And now I can't stop crying. God! Why does he think this is even remotely ok? I mean he has to be clinically retarded. He dosent know anything. He resorts to things at random, and incriminating facts to get what he wants. Which he dosent. He thinks he knows stuff, he dosent. There is nothing be can do to make u do anything.
I would like to say that I could be a parent, but I can't live up to your mom, and I defiantly don't want to be conspired to your dad.
That display was frankly repulsive and disturbing. The immaturity was astronomic and it was border line mentally challenged.
I just want to give you a chance to get out of here. To be your own person. To be undefined by precursors.
I keep thinking about the what if's. What if you saw that post. What if you see this post. To all my unloyal followers, I love her. I live with her. I share a bed with her. But I can't tell her. If I did. It would ruin our friendship. She sees me as a unconventional "daughter" of sorts. I will always be that unconventional best friend...*tears
I know u miss her. And now I can't stop crying. God! Why does he think this is even remotely ok? I mean he has to be clinically retarded. He dosent know anything. He resorts to things at random, and incriminating facts to get what he wants. Which he dosent. He thinks he knows stuff, he dosent. There is nothing be can do to make u do anything.
I would like to say that I could be a parent, but I can't live up to your mom, and I defiantly don't want to be conspired to your dad.
That display was frankly repulsive and disturbing. The immaturity was astronomic and it was border line mentally challenged.
I just want to give you a chance to get out of here. To be your own person. To be undefined by precursors.
I keep thinking about the what if's. What if you saw that post. What if you see this post. To all my unloyal followers, I love her. I live with her. I share a bed with her. But I can't tell her. If I did. It would ruin our friendship. She sees me as a unconventional "daughter" of sorts. I will always be that unconventional best friend...*tears
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Public Secret
You are one of the eight ppl online right now. I'm listening to Hollywood undead. It makes me think of times at William st. I miss those days. Just before you and Chris started officially dating. It was fun.
Man. My feet are cold. But it feels good. In a refreshing kinda way. I dunno. Maybe I'm just stoned!
I miss relationships...like not just the sex part ether. Like I miss the public canoddling and shit. And the hand holding. I really miss that. Like late at night. He reaches over and gently holds your hand.
My "uncle" died in his sleep with his hand out. My aunt went to hold his hand and realized that he was gone. How fucking romantic is that! I fucking miss him. Shit! Now I'm getting all teary eyed! Fuck!
Well I'm pretty cold now. So ima send this, go inside, hang up my coat, sit down next to you; and you will maybe start reading this. But maybe not. You don't have to read it. I'm just kinda babbling. It's really not important, I just thought I would tell you :D
But here's what I'm not saying. I'm in love with you. I have been for sometime! You do these things that make me remember. Like now. You scuttled back to bed. I scooched closer, practically spooning. And then you pulled the covers over me. Or sometimes you'll get a joke no one understands. Or you will tell me something that reminded you of me.
You see me as your child. I get that I do. But I can't help my feelings. I won't ask if you feel the same way. I don't want to know.
I think when we move in together we should get a really big bed. Like ridiculous sized bed! And share it! Cuz I like sharing a bed with you!
I think that maybe someday I will figure out what I want from my life and the world. I hope I do when I'm with you. So that you can tell me your so happy. And that you love me too! :D
Man. My feet are cold. But it feels good. In a refreshing kinda way. I dunno. Maybe I'm just stoned!
I miss relationships...like not just the sex part ether. Like I miss the public canoddling and shit. And the hand holding. I really miss that. Like late at night. He reaches over and gently holds your hand.
My "uncle" died in his sleep with his hand out. My aunt went to hold his hand and realized that he was gone. How fucking romantic is that! I fucking miss him. Shit! Now I'm getting all teary eyed! Fuck!
Well I'm pretty cold now. So ima send this, go inside, hang up my coat, sit down next to you; and you will maybe start reading this. But maybe not. You don't have to read it. I'm just kinda babbling. It's really not important, I just thought I would tell you :D
But here's what I'm not saying. I'm in love with you. I have been for sometime! You do these things that make me remember. Like now. You scuttled back to bed. I scooched closer, practically spooning. And then you pulled the covers over me. Or sometimes you'll get a joke no one understands. Or you will tell me something that reminded you of me.
You see me as your child. I get that I do. But I can't help my feelings. I won't ask if you feel the same way. I don't want to know.
I think when we move in together we should get a really big bed. Like ridiculous sized bed! And share it! Cuz I like sharing a bed with you!
I think that maybe someday I will figure out what I want from my life and the world. I hope I do when I'm with you. So that you can tell me your so happy. And that you love me too! :D
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
So...
Today you smiled at me. Well not me, I guess my general direction. You walked to me. Well not me, but near where I was standing. And you grabbed my hand. Well not my hand, but close to it. Then you whispered dirty things to me. Well not to me, but loud enough that I could hear. And you smiled again. You pulled her close and kissed her. Not caring that you were in the middle of my party. 
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Ryan
I just want to scream. Hit you. Hit her. Hit something. Hit someone. Kill you. Kill me. Kill anyone. Stop you. Stop me. Stop everyone. Stop everything. I know I'm too much. And I come off too strong. I really like you. Your beautiful. And talented. And good. I want to leave them for you. Just for you. No one else. Just to be two. But you don't anymore. And I don't know what's worse. The fact that I had sex with you and all I get is a nod, or that I thought I would get more? 
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