Those Wasted Days

Every now and again I think about you. Wonder if it ever got easier. Wonder if the negativity paid off. Wonder if anyone ever cared as much as I did. As I still do. I remember the good times and bad. I remember the time we stayed out all night, and how we didn't sleep. I remember all the times we talked all day and wasted time just being us.  I remember all the things I wanted to tell you. I remember the time we had popsicles on that corner. I miss the way we used to fit together like puzzle pieces. Maybe I just thought we did. Maybe it was just all in my head. Maybe I wasted tears and feelings. Maybe you felt the same and were afraid I would reject you like all the others before. I used to think that I would always hate you and never want to hear from or about you, but as time passes the bad and hurt passes and only the good and nice remains. Do you ever remember or wonder? 

Goodbye

Somedays I wonder what I did without you. How I got through my day without thinking about you, talking to you. I can't even go one day without talking about you. I feel like I wait in the lull of conversation to say something about you. I've decided though that this is it. You can't have me anymore. This is my heart letting you go. And I hope, nay, I pray you are happy with who ever you chose. I wish you love and warmth and all the happiness in the world with her. I know that this is going to hurt. Hurt a lot. But, I know this has to be done. This is a step to self improvement. I can't be hung up on a guy who feels differently than I do. I know you still love me and still care, I think that maybe what's so painful about letting you go. There will always be room in my heart, maybe a smaller place than before, possibly even berried alittle for my well being and sanity, but will always and forever be there just for you. 

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Someone Else

Coming down from it felt so wrong. Like being stuck on the wrong end of a jump cable. He came in and talked to me, made feeling surface, made butterfly's trapped inside. There was nothing wrong until everything was wrong. It all came crashing down like the shelf you didn't install correctly. All of a sudden everything was different. And I was scared of you. But it will pass. This feeling of self loathing and unhappiness. I'll maybe someday find that person who's just a broken and lost as I am. Or maybe I'll fix and find my way. 

Tiny Little Hidey Hole

Would you hide me away in the movement and breathing. Hide me in a hole and never let me see the harmful sun. Keep me in a tiny space to keep the darkness out. Light it up. Make no more room. Keep it calm and cool. Hide the sharp and hard. Keep me safe and warm. Let the nights lights guid us through the streets. Children of the stars waiting to be set back, like a ring missing the jewel. Tiny dancers flinging across the streets, painting the black and bleak with colour and loveliness. Take me deep in that hidey hole. Never let me out.

Cute Little Slut

But what if they were just who they needed to be, and when I came in I changed them an they lost that sorta part that knows how to deal on their own. And what if when I change I don't know I take it with me. Or realize how much I do take with me. But what if it's the other way around? And in that miss and down and hard there's someone else in their life. And slow, oh so slowly the life slides inward and grows around the insides of this now sick sick body. What if the infection of an infectious mind end is insanity in a crazy place? What if when those who sleep on ceiling fans and roof tops end where they start. What if these dreams that are meant to be secrets come out and up and crash. End us with a down and out life left. What if we stay. Stay the nice girls and boys and never change, sit under a rock and hold our beloved toys close. Never grow. Never go...

Sanatorium for the sane...

Like I honestly don't understand what drives a person to treat other in such a horrible and completely inappropriate ways. I have done no wrong. My rooms messy, it's my room. I don't clean your dishes, I don't eat at home, ever, because of you. I don't clean up your dogs piss and shit off the floor, not my dogs. You live in my house too. It's not yours. You are no better than me in anyway. You have nothing on me, or to hold over me. Nothing to do with all your bitch. But guess what, I'm not fucking going anywhere! Go ahead haters, hate away, but know that it's the thought of you, and how much better off I am that makes my smile bigger. Peace out bitches, I'm to happy to be brought down by your fucking stupid. Done!

Certain Locations

It never matters what I do or say because I'm always wrong and have to pay dearly and forever. I'm judged by people lesser than I, and reprimanded by a system so jacked its brakes are on backwards, so every time their used the whole show goes up in flames...
I can't do this any more. I am on the verge of murder in all degrees. But no one cares. And I don't know what scares me more, the fact that I can potentially get away with it, or that I really fucking want to in the first place...